I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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