maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
