How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
