how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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