sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
