wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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