WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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