I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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