I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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