nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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