dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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