nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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