The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
