The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
