is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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