I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
