I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
