please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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