Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
