My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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