well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
