Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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