The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
