false alarm. still invincible.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
