I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
