The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
