Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
