I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
