i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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