Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
this beer tastes like vomit already
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
