You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
