i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize