I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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