i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So gin and wine won't be happening again
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize