Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
