i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We need to rekindle our bromance
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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