We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
