Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
