Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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