isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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