I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
