I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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