I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
