Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
