Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
