haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
