just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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