I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
