he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
