he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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