Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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