i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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