so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
