Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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