"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
