you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I need moral support for this bender
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
