i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
