I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
