Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
