Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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