come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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