I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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