You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
