I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
