Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
