i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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