i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
